40 of the Reasons Why Chuck Norris is a Badass

I ran across this list dealing with Chuck Norris’ Badass-ness… i’m not sure who the original writer is, but I’m pretty sure this list is completely factual.

This is not a comprehensive list, but it’s a start… 40 of the many reasons why Chuck Norris is a Badass.

1. Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on because the dark is scared of him!
2. Chuck Norris was supposed to die 50 years ago but the Grim Reaper was to scared to take him.
3. Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
4. Chuck Norris created his own mother
5. Chuck Norris had a heart attack and he won.
6. Chuck Norris does not make spelling mistakes, if he spells a word differently the dictionary will correct itself.
7. Jesus and Chuck Norris had the same birthday, Chuck Norris doesn’t care.
8. If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
9. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.
10. Chuck Norris got bitten by an extremely poisonous snake, after extreme pain and seizure the snake died.
11. Death is afraid of Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris made war marry peace.
13. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
14. Chuck Norris’ daughter lost her virginity, Chuck Norris found it and brought it back.
15. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
16. Chuck Norris is blind, no one could ever tell because he sees only in the colour of fear and since everything fears Chuck Norris he sees all.
17. Chuck Norris gives polygraph machines a lie detector test.
18. Chuck Norris can possess the Devil.
19. Chuck Norris can look up a number in the phone book that’s not listed in the phone book.
20. The judges of American idol sing for Chuck Norris.
21. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks cannot get sucked into black holes. Black holes get sucked into Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks.
22. Why is health care so expensive? Chuck Norris is sending so many people to the hospital every day.
23. When Chuck Norris picks up a Rubix cube, it solves itself out of fear.
24. Chuck Norris visits Hell for vacation.
25. Chuck Norris can understand women.
26. Bushes beat around Chuck Norris.
27. Chuck Norris doesn’t dance around the question. Questions dance around Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris invented pain.
29. Chuck Norris’ wife gave birth to his own parents.
30. Chuck Norris can have it both ways.
31. Even the amazing people are saying, “Wow, Chuck Norris is really amazing.”
32. Chuck Norris tells his mother who she can hang out with.
33. Handicap signs aren’t for handicap people they’re for all the people that meet Chuck Norris.
34. When Chuck Norris was born the sun said I quit!
35. Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He just accidentally destroys chairs.
36. Chuck Norris doesn’t need bullet proof vests. Bullet proof vests need Chuck Norris.
37. Guns don’t shoot at Chuck Norris. Bullets aren’t that stupid.
38. The invention of the atomic bomb was created when Chuck Norris sneezed into a jar and it blew up only one one thing was left standing, Chuck Norris
39. Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you with his fist.
40. The Boogeyman checks his closet each night for Chuck Norris.